Robert Fulghum wrote that you know you’re a grownup when you bury your dead pets and pull out food particles from the sink drain with your bare hands (bare hands!). He’s right about the burials, I think. I have yet to bury a dead pet, though I have flushed some fish.
I think one is also a grownup once he or she salvages a piece of furniture from the garbage and fixes a toilet. Many people much older than eighteen (especially women) are walking around this earth as non-grownups, in my mind. This should tell you something about my upbringing. I grew up with parents who could and can do ANYTHING. They could perform surgery on our pets. (Oh, how I hid that fact until college)… They could take a dead stick and turn it into a tree in a month. They could lay tile, build computers, make the best spaghetti you’ve ever eaten, etc. And yep, they could fix toilets. (I must emphasize again that they could and they can).
So last night I stepped out of the shower and found that the toilet was close to flooding. There was a piece of toilet paper that wouldn’t flush. The water would rise and rise, I’d start to freak out, and then the water would slowly recede. I was not going to be the person who let the toilet flood the one bathroom in the apartment for a few reasons. 1) Because then I’d appear to be the person who caused the clog with zealous use of toilet paper or very irritable bowels when IT WASN’T ME, I SWEAR! 2) I didn’t want toilet water spilling onto the floor and my flip-flopped feet. 3) You don’t want to be remembered as “the one who flooded the bathroom.” It’s just not cool.
I preferred to not be remembered as the one who fixed the clogged toilet either, but I called Sam to help me perform a good deed.
Me: [whispering] Sam, you have to help me! The toilet is clogged! I don’t want it to flood the bathroom.
Sam: Do you have a plunger?
Me: Yes, but it’s unique and unusual looking.
Sam: Like an ear bud?
Me: Yes! Why is the toilet clogged when I’m in here?
Sam: Someone used too much toilet paper or left a big turd or something. Now listen closely, here’s what to do…
I plunged and plunged to no avail. Then I flushed and plunged and plunged with some results. Then I flushed and plunged and plunged again and, are you getting this? In the end, I FIXED THE TOILET. Triumph was mine! The water became clear. Someone else’s toilet paper flushed down effortlessly. No flooding thanks to Yours Truly (and Sam).
So I’m kind of a grownup now. Give me some time to learn more about plumbing, wiring, carpentry, and duct taping, and I’ll be the super of this damn building! Or at least a few steps closer to my parents’ greatness.
i’m proud of you! now maybe you will believe me about “the great equalizer.”
hehe