I’m the master of the lost connection.
Too often, I’ve let admired and enjoyed acquaintances remain acquaintances. I don’t put myself “out there” enough. When I completely lose contact with these acquaintances, I still think we could be friends, but then it’s too late. I think I do this, because I’m more of a loner or dyad/triad interacter and of course, I don’t like to come across as weird or overeager about human contact.
It also smarts when someone who made it to the friend stage slips away for whatever reason. I hear the older I get, the more I will need to be around people who knew me when I was young. Enter Aaron, a dear friend from high school. Our friendship really only consumed about a year of my life, but it produced some of my deepest, most vivid memories. When I was with Aaron, I felt, to quote The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, “infinite.” I felt clever and beautiful and funny. The world was wide open in front of both of us.
We stopped being friends my senior year, and I still don’t completely understand why. What matters is once upon a time, I sent him the link to this blog, and he emailed me after a very long time of no communication, and we briefly reunited last week when I was in Texas. He is older, I am older. We are in different cities, and I realize I got to where we both wanted to go - New York City - all by myself. Back in high school, we thought we’d share a Soho loft…and he’d be an actor and I’d be a millionaire of mysterious financial origins. Oh, naivete… But I wouldn’t change anything that happened between us, especially the fact that I saw him again.
Aaron, I really enjoyed seeing you. And we didn’t even have to call each other Scott and Zelda to feel at ease. I was surprised. Forgive my trite figurative language, but it felt like sinking into a familiar old chair or a broken in pair of jeans. I only wish I would have hugged you hello/goodbye.
Finally, I make it into your blog! I will live in…infamy. I wish we had hugged too…to?…two?….I forget which one to use…