“Future” is probably the dirtiest f-word I can think of right now.
It evokes an image of…nothing. Endless possibility that just looks like endless haze. The quarter-life crisis exists, because people like myself have always been on a path from elementary school to middle school to high school to college to ??????? It’s frightening, because I know what society tells me I’m supposed to want (and I’ll admit I buy into some of it), like a house, a pension, a career, a husband, a kid, a dog. However, I don’t know when or how I’m to attain all of these “big palookas of life,” as Sandra Cisneros calls them.
And I’m only 22. Welcome to my precocious quarter-life crisis.
Teaching is not the career for me for many reasons. These reasons are whispered in my head from time to time, because it sounds so anti-teacher to say them aloud. Honestly, though, I have thought to myself, “Dammit! I’m too smart for this!” at times. When a child says, “I have to fart” after I’ve asked him about his cause and effect essay, for example. So now I’m looking into the possibility of graduate programs in business communications fields, knowing I’d have to teach while I complete my degree so I can afford to live in Manhattan.
And then a vision comes to me. I imagine myself in smart shoes surrounded by some of my greatest loves, books upon books. I’d be working toward a career in a completely different industry, but everything would be fine at the day job, because I’D BE THE COOLEST SCHOOL LIBRARIAN EVER. I could turn kids on to important works of literature. If I worked in an elementary school, I could do read-alouds and woo students with the reading chops I honed after all those years in theater arts. I could hand out fresh bookmarks and post Billy Collins stanzas on bulletin boards.
This romanticized version of my librarian life is more than a little fuzzy. First of all, I’m technically not educated enough to be a school librarian - I’d need a Master’s degree for that. Not to mention that the librarian at I.S. 666 always looks like she’s about to run into oncoming traffic. Perhaps this is just the type of person library jobs attract. (I’m being somewhat ironic here. Somewhat). Tomorrow I think I’ll ask her about her job and credentials: “Dearest Haggard One, I beg you, do share your tribulations and resume.”
This future is fuzzy and far-fetched, indeed. But enough with the f-words.
Maybe you are to smart to teach, but not smart enough to realize that this age student might not a right fit for you. Middle School makes no sense for many reasons, and much less in West Harlem. The students are “Hormones in Tennis Shoes”… Like I tell everyone, when you look at things form only one point of view, you miss a lot of perspective!
I feel the same way about journalism, too… and I’ve already spent $55,000 on a M.S. in journalism. Whoopsies! But I’m not sure if its fatigue or disillusionment or money worries. Maybe it’s being 24, but only just realizing that I don’t know myself as well as I thought I did. Anyway, if you ever worry about having a precocious quarter-life crisis, at least you have company.
OMG… Isn’t future just the ugliest word? I hope in the three years since writing this post you have figured it out. Because I definitely haven’t. I’m 24 and fresh out of college and in the same boat. Quarter-life crisis- I’m there.