“When I look down, I just miss all the good stuff. When I look up, I just trip over things.” - Ani DiFranco
Today I lined up my bottles of vitamins on my desk and took every single one of them: Centrum Performance, vitamin E, and iron supplement. I washed them down with a small glass of orange juice and headed to work in a pencil skirt and smart black wedges. All day people complimented the look and I like to think that I felt a bit peppier today. I had to work individually with one student all morning on an assessment, and he worked surprisingly well. Then I taught my fifth-graders, whom I tend to either love or loathe. Today was more of a love day, I guess. One student, an extremely defensive chub named Aaron, smarted off at me in a thuggish way, got pulled outside, and promptly started bawling and snotting all over the place. Awesome. Tears are good, because they show his emotions aren’t squelched yet. It’s the “hard” kids who don’t respond that you have to look out for.
I felt so agreeable today that when a man walking behind me on the street said, “Girl, you got some niiiice legs,” I thanked him. Really. Then I told the fourth grader on teacher removal about how my sister used to get mad when I’d hum while I ate and how my dad used to get really angry at us and bag many of our toys, ostensibly to donate them to kids who would appreciate them more. The girl agreed it was an effective punishment, and asked me not to tell her mom about it.
My final change? A vow to watch America’s Next Top Model and not gorge on food that is bad for me. (I don’t know - something about watching mostly vacuous, aspiring models just makes me want to eat my feelings and then chase them with an entire bag of Doritos).
I’m writing this in part, because even I’ve noticed that right now writing has to be squeezed out of me. My camera is one of my favorite things and I’m obsessed with changing leaves and taking a few too many pictures looking up. I’ve also been overwhelmed with the demands of work and some existential matters. Frankly, I need to take better care of myself in the realms I can control. Thus, I’m going to dedicate myself to better intake of everything. I’m going to look at the world straight on.
