1. People ask me when I’m going to start dating again and how I’ll do it. Will I just wait for someone worthwhile and go for it (or let the other person go for it)? Or will I start a strategic search?
I don’t know. I’m still trying to accept that I have given up on Cade loving me the way I want to be loved, the way I know people can be loved. Sometimes I watch this Youtube video of Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” with clips from Brokeback Mountain. The footage of Alma discovering Ennis’s secret makes me tear up. Things didn’t work out in my last relationship, but at least no one was in the closet and living a lie. It’s a weird consolation, but better than ice cream.
Quitting someone definitely smarts. Not fun at all. But I can’t wait to fall in love with someone else someday. I just think that could be a very long time from now.
2. I have a window on the bathroom wall where my shower/bathtub is. It looks right into the hallway of another apartment. I generally keep it closed, because 1) I don’t want the neighbor to see me, and 2) in the past, pigeons have enjoyed sitting in the cracked window, cooing maniacally, and knocking all my shampoo bottles off the tiled sill.
I cracked the window a few days ago when it was 60 degrees. The mercury in the thermometer has since resumed its post around 30 degrees, but I kept the window cracked. Yesterday, I reached for a bottle of shampoo during my shower, and it was partly frozen. Or something.
The shampoo had congealed in parts, so it was its normal consistency, except for some opaque white balls of gunk. If I didn’t know any better, I’d wonder if a pigeon embryo - now green tea scented - was in the shampoo. But I’m pretty sure this is basic solid, liquid, gas physical science stuff. I mean, I hope it is. It has to be, right?!
3. Do you know that three out of five weekdays, I don’t get back home from work until 8:25-8:30 pm? Now that I’m on my depressed sleep cycle of generally passing out by 11, I only have a few hours to do everything I want to do. Tonight I’m skipping a late yoga class in favor of defrosting my freezer. I hear this is a really fun activity that will enable me to fit more healthy frozen enchiladas inside. It also burns exactly half as many calories as my hour of downward dogging. Well, it will when I flood the kitchen and spend 45 minutes squatting to dry the floor.
