When I posted my outfit last week, I mentioned that I slipped in those darling black and white polka dot flats. No big deal. Any reader could have missed that detail, for it was ever so slight.
I wore the same shoes on Wednesday. (They were paired with a favorite vintage wool skirt with just the right amount of swing to it, but that’s beside the point). I donned those black and white polka dot flats fully confident that I looked adorable. The problem is, experience should have taught me that my adorable ass was going to slip in those shoes again if I wasn’t careful.
Alas, it didn’t.
I got through the entire Wednesday workday unscathed. Footloose - but not too loose - and fancy free, if you will. I went to Washington Heights and tutored Deedee. After a great lesson involving “The Highwayman,” I decided to get some Indian food to take home. Interestingly enough, I almost always go out rather than eat in, because I don’t like leftovers or food smells in the apartment. That night, however, was different. And later, I’d regret that difference.
Eventually, I walked down the stairs to the nearest subway station with no problem. I was walking to the C platform downhill when I slipped on something, probably steamy saliva or slick slime. Most definitely something alliterative and gross.
Gravity took hold and I fell on one knee and kept one foot firmly on the ground. My skirt was fine, but my knee was another story. I’d slipped in the same position on the opposite knee two days earlier, but this pain was much worse. I actually made a wincing noise, because my brain was too shocked to curse.
Many people were exiting the uptown C platform as I fell. Unlike my accident on Wall Street, no one stopped to help or ask if I was okay. It’s not that I expect someone to bow and scrape at my every mishap, but have some empathy, people!
I figured my subway home would pull into the station any minute, so I managed to stand up and hobble down the stairs to the C. I painfully sunk onto the seat and watched the other passengers take in the sight: a young woman in a devastatingly smart wool skirt and banged up shoes, tights with one leg torn and bleeding and the other caked in a line of dirt, and a leaking bag of the #3 special. What an ensemble!
The whole car started to smell like curry, and I had no qualms about the dribbling bits of dinner on the subway. “It’s the least I could do while all these bastards are just looking at me and not saying anything!” I thought.
I looked like I’d been dragged through a park by a rapist with a craving for blood and tikka masala. Part of me wanted to remove my nasty, DNA-ridden tights right there in front of everyone. I’d flick them on some silent stranger or just leave them behind for someone else to enjoy.
But I didn’t. Instead, I limped off the subway with as much dignity as I could muster while trying not to get sauce on my white sweater. I tucked those adorable flats into the adorable back of my closet, where I am hoping they will be forgotten. Idiotically, I just can’t throw them away right now.
I still struggle to climb stairs and have perfected a nasty look when people on the train accidentally bump my knee during rush hour.
*I may as well show you how bad my knee looked yesterday, four days after the fall. Mind you, it looks much better than it did, but it’s still not for the weak of stomach.
And yes, my legs are hairy because it’s winter and I’m single. The fuzz on my scab, however, is from my fleece sheets. I’m too squeamish to pull it off.
Ouch, you should ice that. And look at it this way while no one helped or asked if you were ok, at least no one pointed and laughed.
oof, what a battle scar! I hope it gets well soon, amandapants
p.s. what leg hair? you white girls and your invisible body hair…
Sharmeen! Is it true that you’re tying the knot? You must share details. It’ll make my knee feel better.
It would have been fun to be a fly on the window in a subway car reeking of curry…or not. That part makes me laugh hysterically, and I’m not even sure why?!? Long day. Your cynicism is the best!
That loyal reader in SC
Mmm, curry. I’m glad you enjoyed that story. My knee is looking a lot better and I have plans to have Indian food with a friend on Monday. Keep your fingers crossed for me.