I got a pet today. Well, a plant, but one about as active as my beloved Abbydog was.
She is a paddle plant and will turn red in the sun. I hear they are supposed to be protective of their owners, but she’s not big enough to keep the neighbor from watching me make popcorn in my underwear. While wearing my underwear, I mean - my underwear alone can’t pop no thang no how.
I’m hoping to teach her more tricks. She already responds to, “Play paperweight!” The big one is going to be watering and draining herself every seven to ten days and sporadically amputating two of her leaves in the name of personal (plantsonal?) growth. Makes the self-help genre seem a lot less painful, huh?
The best thing of all is that I get my money back if my plant dies. She’s a succulent, so it’s not very likely, but I am a deacon in the faith of calamity and ineptitude.
Amen.
