Do you have a bucket list, those 10 or 20 or 100 things you want to accomplish before expiring? Most people don’t. Not only is thinking about death something we don’t like to do unless we’re like totally emo, it’s rather daunting.
Who ever really knows what they want out of life? Don’t give me that, “Love and happiness and mad cash money” crap. I’m talking specific goals you can check off a list. And there’s a big difference between what you really want to do and what you really want to do right now. You grow out of things. I, for one, no longer want to own a pet store or donate my younger sister to science.
In the last year or so, I was feeling unaccomplished and itchy to add a new list to my legion. This was back when I sometimes saw ads for The Bucket List on dvd or in comic book form or something. Hmmm…
It surprised me how much I had to think outside of my normal life. Banishing the banal, I pondered incredible things I saw on TV once or heard about other people doing. I’m just as good as them, give or take having my own show on the Discovery Channel. I can suck the marrow out of life, too!
I want to ride a camel and then squeeze its humps, maybe while singing, “I’ma g-g-g-get you drunk…”
See also: dress my own English bulldog up for the Halloween dog parade in Tompkins Square Park.
Another lifelong dream is setting up a college scholarship program for Odem High School students, especially the kind who will use my support to get the hell out of Odem for good.
I know I want to do these things. Having children, I’m not sure. Same with a spouse, though it would be cool to be legally bound to someone really smart and funny and cute who can assemble furniture. I’d be content to have several meaningful relationships that ultimately fail. In really smart and funny and cute ways.
A few weekends ago, I kinda marked something off my bucket list. I got closer to one particular goal than ever before, at least, and am ready to try again next year.
Ladies and gentlemen, I may have cured morning breath!
Well, no.
But it does involve cranberries, which are nature’s answer to those pesky UTI’s that sometimes hinder relationships and you know, peeing.
I’ll tell you more tomorrow. That’s my goal.
