Two of the breaks that renting New Yorkers get are free heat and water. These are considered life necessities, plus the word “free” looks really good when you consider the outrageous amounts we pay to borrow a few square feet from our landlords each month. “Sure, the wind roars through my lace-thin windows out of which my view is a trash-filled alley. But the heat is free!”
There are limits to this generosity, though. The free heat doesn’t legally have to come on unless the temperatures reach a painful nadir by a certain time of day. If it’s not something like -5 degrees at 2 pm, you’re bound to shiver yourself to sleep. But don’t worry - I hear it’s good for the abdominals.
In the last two weeks, I have woken up cold 97% of the time. A hypothermal alarm clock, the heat has been on 0%. You don’t need to be any good at math to imagine how ashy my hands are from clutching my comforter and sheets, frozen as Jack in Titanic.
I’d never let go, if I could help it. The worst part of my day has to be when I step out of bed and the floor sends icy spasms from foot to brain in about three seconds. No. Taking my pajamas - a sweatshirt, tee shirt, and sweatpants - off to put on regular clothes is worse. My entire torso erupts into goosebumps befitting The Guiness Book of World Records.
There are things I could do. I’ve considered getting rugs and cats. Electric blankets worry me, as I sometimes go to bed with damp hair and have seen a lot of public service announcements about the dangers of electricity. My friend Mike says I should sleep with a hot water bottle, but I’m pretty sure that only works with orphaned puppies. What’s next? A ticking clock?
I’m not at the worst point. I’ve known people who’ve resorted to sleeping in hats, gloves, or scarves. Or worse, with live-in significant others.
I’m not that desperate. Yet.
A great, evocative, funny post. I remember my first apartment–in St. Louis, not New York–essentially a studio, but with a sunroom that we designated the bedroom. We had a similar “free heat” and heat-free situation. In the winter, we would drape a blanket over the headboard to keep the draft off us as we slept. Funny, but I still look back on those days with some nostalgia.
Terry, I love your own evocative, funny comment. The heat has consistently been on since my post. Blog and ye shall receive.