I just read Philip Galanes’s Social Q’s column from yesterday. All the questions and answers were good. But as a gender-neutral blogger, I really liked this:
I recently graduated from college and started working in the real world. My problem is that my name is gender-neutral, which my parents tell me was intentional. Many new business acquaintances, whom I meet through e-mail, mistake me for a man. I am often addressed as Mr. and, worse, taken for my own secretary when they call. (“Could you please connect me with Mr. Smith?”)
It’s awkward to explain and then embarrassing for the person calling. Is there a polite way to let people know my gender?
C.F.B., New York
The Response:
Look on the bright side, Miss Jordan/Casey/Riley: Now you have one more thing to hold against your parents. If they had only stopped to think about it 20-some-odd years ago, I’m sure they could have predicted the advent of the Internet, and that your name might cause some e-mail correspondents to mistake your gender. I call that irresponsible parenting.
You’ll be taken for a freak if you advertise your gender in e-mail messages to pre-empt the error: “As a woman, I’d prefer meeting at 4.”
I suppose you could answer your phone with the officious: “This is Pat.” But that won’t solve the problem, either. If callers have already decided you’re a man, they’ll just assume your voice is the product of a hormone deficiency.
Try not to be so nervous about entering the “real world.” I think you’ll find it’s a lot like college — only with fewer interesting conversations and much less booze. The more offhand you are about correcting your colleagues, the less awkward they’ll feel.
Next time you’re mistaken for a man, try a friendly: “This is Terry. But the last time I checked, I was a woman.” If anything, it will help people remember you; and in business, that’s a good thing.
My name is often taken for that of a man’s, when it’s spoken. Written is not a problem, usually. After a while I got used to it.