In this city that never sleeps, I hear some people do.
The ones I tend to date, befriend, or ask about sleeping habits fall asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow.
I’m not one of them, and they don’t seem to get it. I stalk, chase, yet never catch enough ZZZ’s. I’ve been offered advice, including:
1. Don’t use a computer for a whole hour before going to bed.
2. Read a book.
3. Get in bed at 11 and just stay there.
None of these tips work for me for the following reasons:
1. I’m hopelessly attached to computers. In a pinch, I use my Internet-ready iPhone.
2. If I crawl under the covers with a book, it’s likely to be finished and put to sleep before me.
3. At 11 p.m.? There’s just so much left to do at that point. I don’t think I’m physically capable of going to sleep then unless my immune system is compromised, or I’ve just drunk a bottle of wine and watched an hour of C-SPAN.
Children fight sleep, and I guess some don’t outgrow it. So I wake up every morning exhausted and bargaining. “Five more minutes,” I beg the alarm on my phone. Except that I’m too tired to articulate full words. “Fimominzzzzz.”
When I finally right myself, which feels so very wrong, I vow to get more sleep the next night. But I never do. By the time I get home from work, I feel fine. Hours pass, and I shoot for a midnight reclining. My aim is not so good.
The worst feeling is when I get in bed, do some quick math, and realize how healthy it would be to fall asleep right then. Eight hours of sleep! The trouble is that I never go right to sleep. If I turn out the lights, I toss and turn and sometimes talk to myself. If my own drivel doesn’t prove soporific, I listen to music or God help us all, get online and start exploring. Nothing you explore online at two a.m. is ever good. It’s a lot like late night TV in that way. You think you’ll find something humorous or thought-provoking, and you end up with Cinemax-level stuff.
When I couldn’t sleep as a kid, I’d lie in bed on my stomach and start kicking the mattress. Gently, at first. Then pound, pound, pound! It probably sounded like something very age-inappropriate was happening in the bedroom decorated in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. My dad, a night owl who stays awake until two or three every morning, would hear me after awhile and invite me to watch reruns of Cheers with him. He’d sit in his recliner, drinking orange juice and eating Red Hots. I’d watch the hilarity ensue at that bar “where everybody knows your name.”
My eyes would quickly get heavy. Even now, the sight of Ted Danson on Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes instantly relaxes me. He’s my Sleep God.
Which is why I’m considering hanging this poster near my bed:
I could talk to Ted Danson as Sam Malone while trying to doze off. He doesn’t know my name yet, but soon enough I’ll walk up to the counter as he arranges bottles. “Hi,” I’ll say. “I’m Tired.” And slightly delirious.
You should try some Melatonin, it helps me when I am really having issues getting to sleep.
I have the same problem, sometimes. I have found that a meditation CD my friend gave me (and I’m not one to meditate, she gave it to me so I could get a handle on work stress) - anyway, that conks me right out.
Or, uh..any city bus ride. I can nap on most forms of NYC transportation.
LOL…funny post, and so true. I’m such a night owl. i’d love to be able to hit the pillow and go right to sleep, but even if i did, i’d probably wait until well after midnight to do so! haha…
Jeremy, my mom used to take melatonin. I have to ask if it helped her.
Syd, I can fall asleep easily on the commute uptown after work and do a few times a week. Maybe I should live on an express train…
I’m glad to hear I’m not the only person lying awake and wondering what’s wrong with me. Maybe we can order Ted Danson as Sam Malone posters in bulk.
There were a few months back in college where I had insomnia due to stress. I started taking melatonin on the recommendation of a friend and my doctor. My doctor said it was light enough that if I really did need to wake up (say, if my blood sugar went low), I’d be able to. My sleeping patterns eventually went back to normal on their own.
I know right that is exactly what I want to tell people sometimes
I remember the days when I would just be going out somewhere at 11pm. Now, I’m lucky if I can stay awake to 10pm.