The June edition of The Atlantic has this article by Joshua Wolf Shenk called “What Makes Us Happy?” about The Grant Study at Harvard. The point of the study was to thoroughly examine the lives of 106 Harvard graduates (JFK was one participant), see how life unfolded over the years, and then figure out why. What made successful men successful? How did those who lived miserably end up with their lot?
I recommend taking a look at the article when you get the chance. It’s long, but really interesting. This excerpt jumped out at me:
“The happiness books say, ‘Try happiness. You’ll like it more than misery’ - which is perfectly true,” he told them. But why, he asked, do people tell psychologists they’d cross the street to avoid someone who had given them a compliment the previous day?
In fact, Vaillant went on, positive emotions make us more vulnerable than negative ones. One reason is that they’re future-oriented. Fear and sadness have immediate payoffs - protecting us from attack or attracting resources at times of distress. Gratitude and joy, over time, will yield better health and deeper connections - but in the short term actually put us at risk. That’s because, while negative emotions tend to be insulating, positive emotions expose us to the common elements of rejection and heartbreak.
To illustrate his point, he told a story about one of his “prize” Grant Study men, a doctor and well-loved husband. “On his 70th birthday,” Vaillant said, “when he retired from the faculty of medicine, his wife got hold of his patient list and secretly wrote to many of his longest-running patients, ‘Would you write a letter of appreciation?’ And back came 100 single-spaced, desperately loving letters - often with pictures attached. And she put them in a lovely presentation box covered with Thai silk, and gave it to him.” Eight years later, Vaillant interviewed the man, who proudly pulled the box down from his shelf. “George, I don’t know what you’re going to make of this,” the man said, as he began to cry, “but I’ve never read it.” “It’s very hard,” Vaillant said, “for most of us to tolerate being loved.”
I thought it was just us uptight English people who had a problem with accepting praise and compliments! Joking apart, this is really interesting - there’s definitely a certain comfort in looking on the dark side of everything and being a glass half empty sort of person. That said, I can tell you I used to be like that, and I am very much enjoying the feeling that those days are behind me.
George Carlin said he didn’t see the glass as half-empty or half-full. He saw it as too big.