Should I leave L.A./NYC/my dream after one year?

When the going gets tough, the tough don’t go home. Especially when that means giving up on a dream.

In my nearly four years in NYC, there have been a few times when it made fleeting sense to move back to Texas. I was between jobs, listless, scared, unsupported…

I’m so glad I stayed here.

The Cary Tennis advice column on Salon.com recently ran the question “Should I leave L.A. after one year?” from a person struggling in the film industry.

I printed Cary’s answer, highlighting lines I especially liked. It was exactly what I needed when I thought my move was a bust. Maybe I’ll feel that way again someday. If so, I’m glad I have this advice now.

Click on the link to read the whole piece - it’s so worth it. Here’s a preview:

Dear Cary,

I hate my life. Not in an interesting, deep loathing of great unfathomable difficulties, but more a hopelessness at the unfulfilling and dull day-to-day boredom of trying to make the meager check from my mindless bore of a job stretch to cover my expenses…

To move back home means to give up on this career I’ve spent so much time and money on, to give up on a creative career. I do not know what someone will pay me to do back there. I’ve no reason to think I’d be happier except that I’d have a larger support network of family. Do I stay in L.A. and hope an economic turnaround makes it more possible for me to live a dream I’m not sure is mine anymore? Or do I return home a failure?

In Search of a New Dream

Dear Searcher,

I have three things to say to you. The first is: Stay in L.A. The second is: Consider the paradoxical fact that as you get closer to your dream it seems farther away. And the third is: You are unhappy because your needs are not being met.

So now the monologue. You feel unhappy so you think maybe you should give up and go home?

So wait a minute. What is there to do at home? What are your realistic options except to stay in L.A. and keep working toward a career in the film business? What else is there to do? Go “home”? “Home” is for visiting and getting presents. That’s it. You get presents and kisses and maybe you get admired and envied and you drive a rental car. Then you go to the airport and back to your private little hell that you work so hard to disguise. You go back to your imaginary friends and your imaginary life.

Home is worse than L.A. In L.A. at least you can complain about L.A. Complaining about L.A. is soul cleansing and invigorating. Complaining about home is just depressing. People say, Why don’t you leave, then?

Remember: You are closer to your dream than ever before. You are getting to it. The closer you get to it, the less it will seem like a dream, and the more it will seem like a job.

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