Turning blog haters into fuck you money

Let  me start by handing you a 32-inch wiffle ball bat (one that’s bright yellow and metaphorical) and saying, “Here’s the hard part of my head. Go to town.”

If you email me via the contact page, thank you! I’m sorry I can’t send you pictures of my feet, but thank you.

If you email me questions, I appreciate your trust in me. But I’m lame and sometimes I forget to respond and then months later, there’s almost no reason to answer. The question asked is now totally irrelevant.

I feel awful about this, and I’m working on it.

It might help if you tell me a question you have is urgent and your life depends on my answering it. Or maybe you people could stop asking such deep questions.

I mean, “What dental floss do you use, Amanda?” That I could answer easily.

Here’s a question from Jessica:

Hey Amanda, wondering if you’ve got anything to say about the recent internet irritation toward Dooce and her monetizing the hate site… Only found her through your page so thought maybe you might have an insight? Not too sure from this side, I sort of get the comments and stuff, but for realz, her capital letters kill me. Mostly, I tune in for the fab photography. I think she could write better and with more jazz if she amped up her style and went for more creative posts about something other than her kids, but I guess that’s her schtick, mommyblogger and all. It’s just weird how people have such crazy opinions when really, they are the ones reading and making her into such a phenomenon. So wondering, do you ever get shitty comments or hate for your blog? And why do people think having a blog is just a show of vanity anyway? I mean, c’mon dudes, it’s the Internets. Welcome to 2009. It’s like getting stepped on for having a Facebook page and updating your status too much or changing your profile pic to something edgy and model-y and hot. Either way, it’s pretty lame.

My response:

Speaking of lame, I went to Dooce.com to check out the link to her monetized hate site, and I can’t find it anymore.

Does this mean it took me so long to answer this question that all the haters have now been converted or wiped out after bad seafood or something? Whoa.

So the backstory: Heather Armstrong is the blogger behind Dooce.com. And she’s the mommyblogger. I met her last year, and when she looked at me, I lost all feeling in my extremities.

This woman is paying her mortgage with a blog. That’s the coolest job ever, I think. It’s very close to professional taste tester and person who does water aerobics in a pool of gold coins, as illustrated by Duck Tales.

But there’s a problem. Armstong is a mom, and she makes some irreverent jokes about parenting and religion and whatnot.

People freak out. I don’t know any Internet personality with more idiotic haters than hers. Maybe it’s because she’s based in Utah?

Months ago, Armstrong announced that she was putting her hate mail on a site filled with advertising. She’d make money off of the hate traffic and donate the proceeds to charity. From bad (and often misspelled and ungrammatical) could spring good.

Like I said, I no longer see a link to the hate site, and I’m guessing that it was just too much to deal with. There are other things to do with people who email you about how awful you are. I personally prefer to use their email addresses to subscribe them to terrible mailing lists.

Just kidding?

No, really. I’m kidding. Send hate mail. It’s easier to deal with than questions.

So I thought Armstrong’s idea was great.

I’m not saying it’s mature or the right thing to do in every situation, but sometimes I don’t want to be the bigger person. I want other people to see how stupid and wrong someone is. I want something beautiful to come out of something painful.

Did you know I spent the summer writing Kelly Clarkson-esque power breakup songs? Them’s bad-good.

But seriously, raising money for a worthy cause by showing the world how stupid blog haters are? Sign me up.

I don’t get much hate for my blog now, though I had a frenemy years ago - we’ll call him Robert McDouchebag - who would leave nasty “anonymous” comments. Readers are generally supportive and have better things to do than to leave negative comments. Or even positive comments.

But, you know, you can always leave those. I love them.

And oh yes, vanity. Do I think blogs are about vanity? Yes, in some ways.

However,  I think most people go into blogging simply because they want a bigger voice than the one they have otherwise. They want connection and understanding. We all need to be heard.

I’m glad all of you choose to hear me.

Related Posts

1. Do talk about me like I’m here
2. Go blog or go home: Figuring out what to blog about
3. Thank you, merci, grazie
4. Pardon my expurgation
5. Catch-up
6. Honest to blog: How to start a blog
7. Keeping a low prolific