Another thing Cade and I shared when we hung out at my apartment was one of my favorite Stephen Dunn poems called “The Vanishings.”
I mentioned it when we thought aloud about our compete lack of animosity towards each other. All that pain has been forgiven, if not forgotten. He’s just not on the top of my list of disappointing ex-boyfriends these days.
One of the things I found irritating about him when we were together was his disinterest in my media recommendations. Sharing specific books, songs, films, and so on is one of my favorite ways to show loved ones I care. When someone acts like they’ve been given a homework assignment and refuses to explore it, I feel rejected.
I think, “But I chose this just for you!”
When I mentioned the poem, I automatically went to my bookshelf. I had to make an offering - it was too perfect.
I read this excerpt:
Her good-bye, causing the phone to slip
from your hand, doesn’t hurt anymore,
too much doesn’t hurt anymore,
not even that hint of your father, ghost-thumping
on your roof in Spain, hurts anymore.
You understand and therefore hate
because you hate the passivity of understanding
that your worst rage and finest
private gesture will flatten and collapse
into history, become invisible
like defeats inside houses.
Marvelous and all too true, yes?
I was pleased when Cade asked to read the rest himself.
