You put your write foot in

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Here’s another roundup of some recent pieces I’ve written for other websites. Hooray!

If you’re so inclined, check them out. If you like what you see, please let me know with comments and Facebook and Twitter love. If you don’t like what you see, please leave the comment “UR SO DUM!”

Just kidding. Spell it “dumb.”

1. The “Living Next to a _______” column I started for BrickUnderground, an NYC real estate site

Did you know that I used to live next door to a funeral home? It wasn’t actually that bad.

Ever wonder what it’s like living in Greenwich Village near NYU? Think show-tune-singing pukefest.

The neighborhood’s noisy beyond the typical sirens and traffic that all New Yorkers deal with. Not all New Yorkers have to deal with drunken drama students screaming show tunes at the top of their lungs at 4 a.m. It makes me want to open a window and throw a bucket of water on them. I want to kill their dreams of stardom and watch them move back home to Montana or wherever they come from.

And then there’s the vomit.

You put your write foot in

Somewhere Tyra Banks is crying, and I’m eating a cheeseburger.

Months ago, I agreed to be featured in a book about being naturally thin. It’s not a diet book. Instead, it features thin women from around the U.S. who talk about their habits and attitudes about food and exercise.

People who know me would probably laugh that I’m in a book like this. First of all, I grew up the last kid picked for any team. Well, not the spelling or debate team, but you know what I mean. I’m very physically uncoordinated. My biceps are pathetic. I could decapitate someone with my elbow if the angle was right. I never excelled in anything athletic until I discovered sprinting in middle school and yoga and Pilates classes after college.

I can also admit to some weird food behaviors, including occasional problems maintaining an appetite. I prefer eating when I’m hungry, and sometimes I just don’t get hungry. Or I’ll get hungry, but nothing sounds appealing. Besides that, I’m a recovering picky eater with texture issues. I’d never eaten a hamburger until a few years ago, because the bread and the meat together weirded me out. I dislike most sauces, dressings, gravies, and icings.

Another problem: I like maybe four types of vegetables.

But this post isn’t just about how I’m possibly a bad poster-girl. I do some things right, like eating breakfast, trying to drink enough water, and eating lots of whole foods. I don’t consume a lot of dairy. I avoid too much salt. Most of all, I live in a third-floor walk-up in NYC. I walk a lot, and I like being active.

Agreeing to be in the book and say, “I don’t really work out. I just live a certain way and come from some skinny, lanky stock,” was fine by me. It was getting a photo taken for the book that was the hard part. I got shot in Harlem, and nothing makes a more awkward photo than posing “casually” on the sidewalk as people walk by and wonder what’s going on with the skinny white girl.

There was also an issue of lighting and timing – there weren’t many hours of good light left in the day, and I needed to spend more time interviewing people for a piece I was writing.

I’m pretty sure there must be a blog out there dedicated to awkward amateur photo shoots. If not, I’ll start one with the following pictures.

The shoot started out with my favorite pose from kindergarten picture day, the I’d-rather-pee-my-pants-than-raise-my hand pose.

Somewhere Tyra Banks is crying, and I’m eating a cheeseburger.

You have what I look for, what I long for, what I love

I’ve blogged about my dating life in the past tense for almost a year now. It’s not that I haven’t seen new legs do the same dance. It’s not that I haven’t gazed at face after face, wondering which would become the most familiar. I just stopped writing about it.

Honestly, I hesitate to start again. I think some people might be critical of the evolving cast of characters and how leading men fall, understudies take over, and the orchestra occasionally goes on strike. I swear I’m not the only person whose romantic life looks like something out of “A Chorus Line.”

I had this brief thing – thing, because I don’t know what else to call it – at the beginning of the year with a filmmaker. He was so weird and different from anyone I’d ever dated. He brought a Flip camera on our second date, and I thought, “This is the next person I’m going to fall in love with.”

You have what I look for, what I long for, what I love

What’s cooked

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I’ve been writing elsewhere lately.

Check out what’s been on the front burner. If you like what you see, please leave a comment or share it on Twitter, Facebook, etc.

1. The latest on my fire escape garden at the Burpee Home Gardens blog.

This summer, the NYC weather patterns fluctuated as dramatically as Lady Gaga’s wardrobe.

Read more here.

2. Blog posts for Nerve.com

Survey says: Old guys are hotter than ever

Why you might want to consider a career in marijuana

Fashion advice from an attractive stranger named Devin

3. Posts for BrickUnderground, an NYC real estate site

How to deal with a not so super super

An email I received that inspired the super post

What’s cooked

Vote for Mensch of the Year

You’ll recall I have a thing for mensches.

I was recently contacted by the Jewish Federations of North America – which I shall henceforth consider a potential dating pool – about the Jewish Community Heroes campaign. This is the second year the organization will reward a Jewish Hero of the Year with a $25,000 grant to support his or her charitable efforts.

Vote for Mensch of the Year

The big, potentially terrorist elephant in the room

I visited my parents for a week back in August, and there was a point where things came to a head. I had to storm upstairs and cry angrily in a hot shower and then lock myself in the office that’s a spare bedroom.

I told myself, “It’s called a nuclear family, because it’s normal for you to want to blow them up.”

Yep, my dad started talking about the “mosque” near the World Trade Center.

Here’s a question from Ryan:

I’d be very interested to hear your opinion on the “community center/prayer center”  or “mosque” controversy.

I know you’re not particularly political on NP, but you are a New Yorker… You must have an opinion on this, right?

My response:

The big, potentially terrorist elephant in the room

Chosen people I’d choose

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The Jewish High Holy Days are unfolding like scrolls of the Torah. I had to take the opportunity to mensch-ion the Yiddish version of the “stand-up guy,” the one and only mensch. You know, those nerdy, sensitive guys who are all crazy hair, irritable bowels, and “Oy!”

Check out my first piece for Nerve.com called “Seven Mensches I’d Like to Schtup.” If you like it, please share it online and leave a comment.

Shalom!

Chosen people I’d choose

The cut and paste nature of Woman’s World

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Remember newspaper blackout poetry?

Graham Rawle’s Woman’s World is a novel made entirely of clips from British women’s magazines from the 1960s – 40,000 of them, to be exact.

Some people call this new genre metafiction. All I know is that each page looks like a ransom note.

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The cut and paste nature of Woman’s World

Unwittingly, of course. It wasn’t on porpoise.

Just in case you ever want to write a screenplay, but you’re worried your idea is dumb…

Unwittingly, of course. It wasn’t on porpoise.

Today in New York/Nuok

Happy Labor Day!

I’m about to go eat something fatty and grilled, but first here’s a link to a short interview with me posted on Nuok, an Italian online magazine all about NYC.

Ciao!

Today in New York/Nuok