Tuesday, October 10, 2006
by Amanda.
Me: I was waiting for you near the subway entrance, and I saw that lady that always hangs out over there and asks, “Can you help me get something to eat?” all up in your face. She was standing there and asking people for money. Then this guy in a leisure suit - brown pants and jacket and a turquoise shirt - exited the station. She asked him, and he just smiled and shrugged. He started to laugh and then the lady started to laugh, but kept asking, “Can you help me get something to eat?! Can you?! Help me?!” She was just hysterical. Then I started to laugh. It was like we’d all just realized how absurd life is.
Monday, July 31, 2006
by Amanda.
Him: Everyone has sharted.
Me: I don’t shart!
Him: See, a guy will tell you he sharts, but a woman wouldn’t…unless she was at gunpoint. [Dramatic pause]. Maybe not even then…
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
by Amanda.
I had this conversation with my mom today.
Me: Yeah, Cade and I are going to Zabar’s later.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
by Amanda.
Angel: [looking at a framed paper called "Mary McLeod Bethune, A Great African-American Leader" on Mr. C's desk] Hey, Mr. C, is this your wife?!
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
by Amanda.
Him: [pointing at billboard] I want to see that.
Me: What?
Him: That. The Last Stand. It’s the last X-Men movie.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
by Amanda.
On hearing that my friend Nick, whom I’m buying steer horns for, foolishly asked me to bubblewrap them and take them on the plane home as a piece of carry-on/carrion luggage.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
by Amanda.
Cade shook his head when I wrote this down. Am I the only one who can appreciate a good “Julius Caesar” joke? Methinks not.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
by Amanda.
Student (a seventh-grader): I wouldn’t eat vegetarian pizza - all it has is crust, sauce, and vegetables.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
by Amanda.
Me: So I’ve publicly vomited in every city I’ve been in.
Cade: Oh, really?
Me: Yeah.
Cade: Is this a personal mission, like, “Yeah, right after high school I went on a road trip across the country. Just me, my car, and a lot of paper towels…”?
Thursday, February 2, 2006
by Amanda.
Me: You met the school nurse?
Bobby: Yeah.
Me: I’ve never seen her. What’s she like?
Bobby: I think the only thing she’s been nursing is a forty ounce.
Me: Oh…niiiiice.
