Around this time a year ago, I slowly grew to love a friend of mine.
We met through a friend of a friend and mostly talked on AIM. We really talked - on and off for hours a day, five days a week. We’re both insomniacs, so we’d even Gchat from home afterward. Eventually, we started hanging out more in real life. I was surprised to find him as funny in the flesh as I did on the computer.
For months, other friends convinced me that he must really like me to spend so much time chatting. I thought that was probably true. But no one ever said, well typed, anything about it. It would’ve been so easy to just ask via computer and save face.
No one ever did.
Sometimes we’d get into deep conversations about love and life, and a little message would flash at the bottom of the window. It’d say my friend was typing… It would say it again and again, and I’d start to get really curious about what message that empty box would soon hold.
And then it would be a single line.
How could that have taken so long to type? What hadn’t he said?
What story were we trying to start, afraid to enter or return?
The songs that capture 2010 for me weren’t the most esoteric or classic. These eight summed up a year of change, starting over, and potential dressed as heartbreak.
“Tighten Up” by The Black Keys:
The story of life in pretty much any year: “I wanted love. I needed love. Most of all.” Here’s to finding it in unexpected places.
Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
It’s hard to look at yourself objectively. I can fire off some things I’d love people to feel about me - that I’m talented and smart and refreshing in some way.
Instead, I’ve opted to copy and paste something my boyfriend said to me when we were just transitioning from friends to people who are dating. He’d kissed me for the first time only days before.
This is how he said he felt about me. (He shared this over IM, which makes it no less special, but much easier to record).
Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
This isn’t really a problem for me. I’m naturally a curious person who gets excited about one thing and then creates a course of study.
Years ago, I became really interested in midwifery after seeing The Business of Being Born. Yes, I watched Ricki Lake give birth in a bathtub. I even went to the director Q&A.
Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
I write on a computer with Internet access. Even Jonathan Franzen struggles with this. He said, “It’s doubtful that anyone with an Internet connection at his workplace is writing good fiction.”
I can eliminate it, but then I might miss out on some breaking tweets and shoes sales.
Seriously, though, the Internet and I need to spend more time apart. Absence makes the art go stronger.
One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
There are many synonyms for the general feeling I’ve had in 2010. But turmoil is a bit strong. Upheaval is putting it lightly. Some choice phrases are too long.
The people in my life are tags on a mattress. I leave ‘em on, despite knowing the law is antiquated and unenforced. I give favors, though I owe nothing. I’ve done my investing, but can never own enough to grab and tear.
This is why I tutored after work for years, despite being completely exhausted by commuting from the southernmost tip of Manhattan all the way to the tippy top two to four times a week. It wasn’t a lucrative side gig. I loved the kids, and I waited until they all got to high school and left me. It felt right.
