Posts under ‘Snark’

It’s last minute, I know. But if you’re hell-bent on getting me a holiday gift, I’m happy to point you in the right direction.

1. Crazy Twizzler boots from Irregular Choice:

I fell in love with these boots at the Irregular Choice store in Soho. My boyfriend says they look like something a Native American superhero would wear.

That’s why I want them!

And I’ll cry a trail of tears if I don’t get them. (Bad joke, I know).

Months ago, I agreed to be featured in a book about being naturally thin. It’s not a diet book. Instead, it features thin women from around the U.S. who talk about their habits and attitudes about food and exercise.

People who know me would probably laugh that I’m in a book like this. First of all, I grew up the last kid picked for any team. Well, not the spelling or debate team, but you know what I mean. I’m very physically uncoordinated. My biceps are pathetic. I could decapitate someone with my elbow if the angle was right. I never excelled in anything athletic until I discovered sprinting in middle school and yoga and Pilates classes after college.

I can also admit to some weird food behaviors, including occasional problems maintaining an appetite. I prefer eating when I’m hungry, and sometimes I just don’t get hungry. Or I’ll get hungry, but nothing sounds appealing. Besides that, I’m a recovering picky eater with texture issues. I’d never eaten a hamburger until a few years ago, because the bread and the meat together weirded me out. I dislike most sauces, dressings, gravies, and icings.

Another problem: I like maybe four types of vegetables.

But this post isn’t just about how I’m possibly a bad poster-girl. I do some things right, like eating breakfast, trying to drink enough water, and eating lots of whole foods. I don’t consume a lot of dairy. I avoid too much salt. Most of all, I live in a third-floor walk-up in NYC. I walk a lot, and I like being active.

Agreeing to be in the book and say, “I don’t really work out. I just live a certain way and come from some skinny, lanky stock,” was fine by me. It was getting a photo taken for the book that was the hard part. I got shot in Harlem, and nothing makes a more awkward photo than posing “casually” on the sidewalk as people walk by and wonder what’s going on with the skinny white girl.

There was also an issue of lighting and timing - there weren’t many hours of good light left in the day, and I needed to spend more time interviewing people for a piece I was writing.

I’m pretty sure there must be a blog out there dedicated to awkward amateur photo shoots. If not, I’ll start one with the following pictures.

The shoot started out with my favorite pose from kindergarten picture day, the I’d-rather-pee-my-pants-than-raise-my hand pose.

Yeah, so I don’t know if I even need to comment.

But if anyone was ever typecast as the slightly off guy someone will settle for who represents the webmail provider someone will settle for, I guess this is the shining example.